Posted by: mensab | October 23, 2007

Being in 30s

Being 30s
I am in 30s now. Ten years ago, this thought of going, leaving, and 
entering as if it were chapters or sections of one whole story in which 
both the reader and writer are all too familiar to me is unreal as against
 now. If it is a story, the plot is planned but the possibilities are wide-open
and promising. The next chapter or section is almost certain to
provide some serious thinking on the looming reality of finally
finding a partner in and for life and of “settling down,” whatever
that means. 
Three decades of preparation for this one momentous event that 
will define the rest of my life. Companionship with a woman for life 
is being required of me to be a real man. Friendship, which at first 
I thought would affirm my masculinity, is simply not enough. Marriage is 
the passage of real man because it precedes fatherhood, ethically and 
Yes, I am in 30s. By this time, I was told, that I should have
known what I wanted to be and I should be on my way of becoming.
Also, things are a bit clearer and simpler at this age. It must have
something to do with the clarity of what I’ve wanted and the
simplicity of the method and way I’ve chosen. No more shortcuts and
do-it-all one-shot do-or-die sort of approach to anything this life
has to offer and be made. I should have learned at this age a
methodical and matured way of dealing things. Hmmmmm..
One thing for sure, like many men before and after me, getting
married is an immediate option. It is, as it were, the Quirino
Highway from Manila to Naga City or vice-versa, since there is always
the Daet route or the plane trip or the boat ride by which very few
people take them as options going to and fro the Bicol region. Surely, 
there are other options, but what seems real and emerging is marriage. I
don’t have the statistics of how many Filipinos actually get married,
but what I know is that most of my friends are now married and still
some are planning to do it anytime soon. In any gatherings, be they
class reunions, family get-togethers, church and organization meetings,
one major question that I usually encounter is, “Are you now
married?” It is a question I could quickly dismiss and answer, “No!”
But now the thought of marriage is more real than the question asked.
Thoughts of this sort are difficult to come by as daily scenes are
interspersed of couples appealing to me to share the joys and challenges 
of marriage. Besides children are always attractions to catch my
interest and imagination of what I’d like to have in the near future.
Being in 30s carries a bundle of considerations. One of which is the
call to religious life. The Society of Jesus requires the aspirant to
be under 30 unless he is exceptionally gifted. And it is clear to me
that I won’t pitch for the exceptional clause. While the question and
call have been dwelling in me for quite a number of years now, the
response can’t wait another year but now. Another consideration is
when I will have my first book. I believe I have saved enough materials 
in my mind but I could not push myself to write about them. I always
thought of writing about my last girlfriend who decided to enter the
nunnery, or my story as Jesuit Volunteer Philippines (JVP). I feel
that I’ve been saving them to write until I know them too well and
enough to withstand the anxiety of unfolding myself to the confines
of my mind’s stories. And I feel as if the time was running out before 
I lose all these ideas or lose interest in pursuing to tell them to the public.
I hope with my enthusiasm still lingering about these knots of events on my
 stories inmind, I can gather my thoughts and will to
sit down, face the computer, and translate my mind’s stories into
text stories. I know I have to start somewhere. Just like a child
learning to walk, the first step comes easy but the next is quite
tough to do. Until the child has learned to walk without counting the
steps s/he makes.
Soon I will be in mid-30. Looking back, I’ve come a long way now. And 
looking ahead, still I have a long, long way to go. I won’t be counting my 
steps anymore. I’m not in a hurry, nor am I slowing down. But I’m not going
 anywhere. I’m staying here and now.



  1. hello paul! I miss you so much! Don’t worry too much you have your friends here. You said women there are literally beautiful, baka malay mo, Costa Rican pa.:)

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